A few immediate observations on tonight's episode:
First, someone place a dictionary next to Tyra's plate of cheese fries tomorrow morning so she can learn the difference between "pose" and "facial expression". Miss Jay may be the expert on fierce walking, but Tyra tells the girls that she is the expert at signature poses...with her face. That is called a facial expression. So she is an expert at facial expressions. With her eyes. Or something. I'm right here, Michael! (Arrested Development? Anyone?)
Pose. –verb (used without object)
1. to assume a particular attitude or stance, esp. with the hope of impressing others: He likes to pose as an authority on literature.
2. to present oneself insincerely: He seems to be posing in all his behavior.
3. to assume or hold a physical attitude, as for an artistic purpose: to pose for a painter.
Hmmmmm...then again, maybe Tyra IS an expert!
Speaking of Tyra's expertise, I have been wanting to post the following clip from the Tyra show for a few days now, but I'm glad I waited since the photo challenge tonight has given me the perfect opportunity for it. Once again, proof that Tyra's genius photo shoot ideas are inspired by the experiences in her life that are important to her. Marjorie really learned a lot from Tyra about how to use her awkwardness during their "teach" (what a bullshit bastardization of that word) and translated it into her winning photo, but Tyra must have given her this little tidbit as well before she climbed up on that john:
All joking aside, Marjorie did look really great. I always love the pixie haircutted girl (A.J. and Mollie Sue, you were so robbed!) and while Marjorie and her crazed squirrel energy and lack of confidence are getting un peu annoying, I still like her look and she's taking pretty good photos.
On the flip side, while Samantha's short hair was one of the only remotely good makeovers, she sucks and is boring and for some reason is starting to mimic Tyra's tendency to break into weird accents at random. For that reason alone she should have been kicked off tonight. Lauren Brie getting kicked off was BULLSHIT!!!! She isn't one of my favorites at all and she looks pretty porny in person, but she's been taking the most consisently pretty and interesting photos this whole time so SHE should be the frontrunner to be America's...oh. I forgot. Taking good pictures is in no way a requirement to win this competition. SALEISHA. The winner is whomever Tyra decided was the winner many weeks ago and the fact that Lauren Brie's photos have generally been really good is the REASON she just got the chop. Tyra is eliminating the real competitors so that at the end she can pretend that Sheena or fucking Joslyn actually had the best pictures the whole time.
Really, I wasn't into Lauren Brie much at all, but as a parting gift, let us give her props for her amazing arms in this shot:
And Elina, oh Elina...I am so tired of the transparent attempts to push the girls' buttons by giving them a photo shoot that is blatantly based on their "weakness". Anchal, you think you're fat! You be a giant in the carnival shoot! Kim, you're too masculine! Be the Birth of Venus! Elina, they don't have emotions in Russia and your mom hates you and you have an icicle up your ass! CRY REAL TEARS!! LEARN FROM THIS!! Wah, wah. Way to make it look like she was actually having a real problem in the commercials as opposed to...performing as she was asked to do in the photo shoot.
I'm also over the Tyra Mail. Does she really not realize that those shots make her look like she has a mailbag for a uterus and that she's just become a woman all over the floor?
Finally, Sheena has been kind of quiet for the last few weeks, but I have to say I enjoyed her feeling all up on Marjorie's fake boobies (the grass is always greener!) and I had forgotten how "ghetto" her voice can be, though not as much as Tyra's stupid impression of her.
Last but not least, Mr. Jay and his sparkling tuxedo again tonight looked like he was about to start handing out roses to competitors for his heart who may or may not be gay.
Welcome back, Wholahay! It has been my pleasure to make fun of Tyra on my own, but it will be more fun with you back. Although now everyone will realize how much more funny and fierce you are than poor Spontaniouse. I'm still cracking up over the Maverick poster.