Wednesday, October 8, 2008

"J'adore her when she makes pee-pee!"

A few immediate observations on tonight's episode:

First, someone place a dictionary next to Tyra's plate of cheese fries tomorrow morning so she can learn the difference between "pose" and "facial expression". Miss Jay may be the expert on fierce walking, but Tyra tells the girls that she is the expert at signature poses...with her face. That is called a facial expression. So she is an expert at facial expressions. With her eyes. Or something. I'm right here, Michael! (Arrested Development? Anyone?)


Pose. –verb (used without object)

1. to assume a particular attitude or stance, esp. with the hope of impressing others: He likes to pose as an authority on literature.
2. to present oneself insincerely: He seems to be posing in all his behavior.
3. to assume or hold a physical attitude, as for an artistic purpose: to pose for a painter.

Hmmmmm...then again, maybe Tyra IS an expert!

Speaking of Tyra's expertise, I have been wanting to post the following clip from the Tyra show for a few days now, but I'm glad I waited since the photo challenge tonight has given me the perfect opportunity for it. Once again, proof that Tyra's genius photo shoot ideas are inspired by the experiences in her life that are important to her. Marjorie really learned a lot from Tyra about how to use her awkwardness during their "teach" (what a bullshit bastardization of that word) and translated it into her winning photo, but Tyra must have given her this little tidbit as well before she climbed up on that john:

All joking aside, Marjorie did look really great. I always love the pixie haircutted girl (A.J. and Mollie Sue, you were so robbed!) and while Marjorie and her crazed squirrel energy and lack of confidence are getting un peu annoying, I still like her look and she's taking pretty good photos.

On the flip side, while Samantha's short hair was one of the only remotely good makeovers, she sucks and is boring and for some reason is starting to mimic Tyra's tendency to break into weird accents at random. For that reason alone she should have been kicked off tonight. Lauren Brie getting kicked off was BULLSHIT!!!! She isn't one of my favorites at all and she looks pretty porny in person, but she's been taking the most consisently pretty and interesting photos this whole time so SHE should be the frontrunner to be America's...oh. I forgot. Taking good pictures is in no way a requirement to win this competition. SALEISHA. The winner is whomever Tyra decided was the winner many weeks ago and the fact that Lauren Brie's photos have generally been really good is the REASON she just got the chop. Tyra is eliminating the real competitors so that at the end she can pretend that Sheena or fucking Joslyn actually had the best pictures the whole time.

Really, I wasn't into Lauren Brie much at all, but as a parting gift, let us give her props for her amazing arms in this shot:

lauren brie

And Elina, oh Elina...I am so tired of the transparent attempts to push the girls' buttons by giving them a photo shoot that is blatantly based on their "weakness". Anchal, you think you're fat! You be a giant in the carnival shoot! Kim, you're too masculine! Be the Birth of Venus! Elina, they don't have emotions in Russia and your mom hates you and you have an icicle up your ass! CRY REAL TEARS!! LEARN FROM THIS!! Wah, wah. Way to make it look like she was actually having a real problem in the commercials as opposed to...performing as she was asked to do in the photo shoot.

I'm also over the Tyra Mail. Does she really not realize that those shots make her look like she has a mailbag for a uterus and that she's just become a woman all over the floor?

Finally, Sheena has been kind of quiet for the last few weeks, but I have to say I enjoyed her feeling all up on Marjorie's fake boobies (the grass is always greener!) and I had forgotten how "ghetto" her voice can be, though not as much as Tyra's stupid impression of her.

Last but not least, Mr. Jay and his sparkling tuxedo again tonight looked like he was about to start handing out roses to competitors for his heart who may or may not be gay.

Welcome back, Wholahay! It has been my pleasure to make fun of Tyra on my own, but it will be more fun with you back. Although now everyone will realize how much more funny and fierce you are than poor Spontaniouse. I'm still cracking up over the Maverick poster.


beliefunwrought said...

First and foremost let me say that I was SOOOOOO mad at AJ when she just gave up at the famous couples photo shoot. She really should have won that cycle, but apparently if you can't do a spot on JLo impression, you can't be America's. Next. Top. Model. I'm loving Marjorie. I think her twitchy, nervous thing is endearing, and she's been taking great photos, so she'll probably be eliminated next week. Lauren Brie made me want to go to sleep, so I can't really say I'm sad to see her go, but you're right, her pics have been consistently some of the best. And I really like Sheena, but I wish her pictures were better. Zombie eyes is never a good look for anyone.

Spontaniouse said...

I was so upset to see AJ go. She was so gorgeous and geuinely fierce. I wish that she had tried a little harder too, but that shoot was another prime example of how the show intentionally tries to force a girl to do well at something that will obviously be a weakness: a.k.a. edgy pale little AJ as a Latina pop sensation. Still, you know they really kicked her off because she couldn't hide her disdain for the ridiculousness that ANTM put her through. AJ, we all feel you, but Tyra will not stand it if you don't act as though being a contestant on ANTM is anything less than the greatest experience you will ever have in your entire life. Sighhhh...

Marjorie is probably my favorite this season...I think she might make it overseas, but this season is actually proving to be unpredictable after several seasons of calling the loser EVERY week. But yeah, she's taking good pictures, which probably means au revoir sooner than later. I'm more convinced than ever that Tyra wants Sheena to win after keeping her instead of Lauren Brie.

beliefunwrought said...

I think you might be right about Tyra wanting Sheena to win. She's been almost as bad with the Asian models as the plus-size models. But April was too "clinical" (I'm not sure if that's the exact word they used but it was something like that) and her first Indian model (can't remember her name for the life of me) just wanted to be a designer (never tell Tyra that modeling is not you first and only dream!) and Anchal couldn't get over the "I'm fat" thing and Gina, poor poor Gina, somebody gave that girl a box of rocks instead of a brain.

I've actually been pretty good about guessing who's going home within about the first 5 minutes this season. As soon as Lauren Brie started saying that she didn't think she'd be going home, I knew she was gone.

And yeah, that photo shoot probably was contrived just to get AJ off the show. But I loved her more for not hiding the fact that she thought the shoot was ridiculous. And to me, she will always be the fiercest cannibal ever.

Spontaniouse said...

Oh yes, Ms. AJ was a fierce hot cannibal.

And HAHAHAHAHAHA....Gina was so fucking dumb! You are SO right! I love it!