OH. MY. GOD.
This is the greatest thing I have ever seen. Aside from the fact that some asshole tried to kill a woman, this is truly the greatest story ever told. Sorry, Jesus. A thousand props to my fierce friend Patria for bringing this to my attention:
You HAVE to watch the video. That is the best part, not only because of our fierce survivor, but because of how many times the newscasters say "weave" and for their clear confusion about just how a weave functions. They should watch more ANTM.
Also, the bullet in the corner of the video still frame looks like a metal dildo.
Best line: "I've been wearing it for years! And I've invested a lot of money into this weave, and it saved my life! It saved my life."