Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Wholahay's Take: "2008: A Tyra Odyssey"

Well children, here we are. After 10 cycles, countless moments of bitchery, Lupus and snaggle-tooth surgery, flesh-eating bacteria and little bits o' autism, we find ourselves embarking upon cycle 11, which we are promised will be the fiercest, most mind-boggling yet. Forget the promises of yesteryear, laddies. This time they *mean* it. They've spent those long, arduous months between cycles 10 and 11 doing mind-numbing fierce research, conducting exhaustive fierce studies, and crafting a fierce Tyrabot--a marvel of sciencyness that looks JUST like the real Tyra, but I wonder if there's a room in the Top Model Institute of Technology (tMIT for short, delivering the modeltology of the future....TODAY!) where all the prototype Tyrabots are stored. I imagine something similar to the The Stepford Wives: you walk in and all the defective Tyrabot heads turn toward you. An eyeless Tyrabot lumbers in your direction, demanding your eyes. Or a weaveless Tyrabot demands your weave. Ack weaveless Tyrabot. This will keep me up at night. That horrible image in place, here are my thoughts on what may have been the best, but certainly the most teleportation-heavy top model premiere ever:

The Jays

Are there words? Are there really words to describe to describe my reaction upon being introduced to Alpha Jay and Beta Jay? I don’t think there are, really, but on the plus side, I may have discovered EXACTLY which Ken doll Mr. Jay looked like (was he alpha or beta? I can't remember). Some of you fellow children of the eighties might remember Barbie and the Rockers. I know I do. And apparently, so does the tMIT:

Photobucket Image Hosting

Just imagine that with silver hair, as I'm sure you already have.

The laser-beam-model-detectonator-machine-doohickey-or-some-such-bullshit-extraordinaire

I would just like to point out that this marks the second time an episode of Top Model features laser technology, lest we forget this awesomeness:

Clark and Hannah Not-From-Montana-But-Close-Enough

They grew up in towns where getting shot because you're different is....not wrong, just more "traditional"?? What??

Perhaps Clark's town also held the more "traditional" view that the definition of bureaucracy shouldn't be taught in schools, and instead, children should be taught differently. Perhaps that on the eighth day God created red tape, cubicles, and meaningless managerial positions.

Regardless, this blog shall henceforth feature a little segment I like to call the "What's a Bureaucracy?" Award for Dumbest Shit Ever. I decree it.

Today's "What's a Bureaucracy?" Award for Dumbest Shit Ever

Clark: "What's a Bureaucracy?"

1 comment:

eye bear ah said...

oh snap!

i wish i'd known about your blog during cycle 11...