The Weave has been uncharacteristically quiet for the last few days, but not to worry: ANTM's new levels of ridiculousness (as evidenced by this week's makeover episode) will be discussed soon. One thing I will say though is that it would have made a lot more sense for Miss Jay to be the fairy godmother and for Tyra to be the evil witch.
I kind of hate to admit it, but the new season really is entertaining me far more than the show has in a while. Dammit, Tyra! Your plan is working. (Just the one to try to spice up ANTM again--not the one to steal Oprah's throne. P.S. Give up). After being pretty bored during Cycles 9 and 10 (despite the excitement of living vicariously through my college pal Claire as she yelled at Dominique, pumped breast milk, and ultimately was kicked off way too early in Cycle 10) Tyra has apparently climbed down off of her soap box a teeny bit, just long enough to grab a plate of mashed potatoes and (in what is clearly an obvious attempt to keep the show "wild!" and "interesting"!) reduce herself again to insanely absurd gimmicks and outfits to grab our attention rather than supposed "causes". Ahhh, it's like Cycles 4-7 all over again. I miss that red weave, though. Her hair and makeup are actually looking pretty good this season. Where are my gypsy head wraps and 6-inch eyelashes??
I wasn't kidding about the mashed potatoes, by the way. It looks like Tyra's gained back a few pounds, eh? Know how I know? Not just by looking at her, but by the way her hemline has risen yet again (to distract us with those bizarre and disproportionately skinny ankles) and by the way she stands at an angle when she's handing out the photos, which is a way to distract from love handles, as she taught hot lesbian Kim. Oh, and last week's kimono. But seriously, check out her stance next time. I'm on to you, Banks.
(Really, her ankles do not look like they can support her. She really is a physical miracle of nature. They're like the anti-cankles. But that's not necessarily a good thing).
In tribute to Tyra's Big Fat Ass, I'd like to share this photo of her back in her true supermodel days. However, please note that despite her peak physical condition, the vagina armpits are still in full effect.
And correct me if I'm wrong, but I do not see Ms. Tyra smiling with her eyes or fiercely connecting to the camera AT ALL in that picture. In fact, she looks a little spaced out. Mmm hmmm. Mmm hmmm. Hypocrisy, thy name is Tyra. But we knew that.
Also, exciting news: The Weave has received its first comment from someone we don't even know! Big Weave shoutout to beliefunwrought! Thanks so much! You're our first Weavologist.