If you need to waste even more time on the Internets, check out my new favorite website:
It's exactly what it sounds like--people send in the ridiculous texts they've sent or received, usually while under the influence. I have to include this one, which is not the funniest one I've read by a long shot, but is totally appropriate, obviously. Way to go, Coney Island!
(201): At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."